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girls, i'm in dire need of some advice
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mink
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Post girls, i'm in dire need of some advice Reply with quote
every time i meet someone great, how come i get bored with him really quickly? i think there's more to it than just having high standards... anyway, i've been seeing this guy for the past 2 weeks, and i like him a lot. the chemistry's there, he's awesome, and we're just great together. but i want to dump him because i'm so incredibly bored. it's not that HE'S boring or anything.. he's freaking hilarious and really outgoing (both of which i lack). i really don't know what to do. i think i'm just going to wait until the end of the week to see if the problem lies within ME or HIM (most likely me).

seriously, what's wrong with me? Cry Cry Cry
Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:39 pm
dope
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everything
Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:52 pm View user's profile Send private message
cakeless
i <3 dubukimchi!


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I see your future....





a crazy cat lady

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For the benefit of mink/cake/tomford4prez/heartbreaker/etc and myself, I will not answer questions relating to her/I. Mind your own business.
relieved
Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:30 pm View user's profile Send private message
Rose of Sharon
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how frequently do you meet with him?
absence makes the heart grow fonder..
idk how often you see him but maybe you're seeing way too much of him.. OR you're only seeing a certain side of him and that's making you bored of him. or it could be that neither of you are opening up to one another on a deeper level and so you're bored since he doesn't stimulate or connect with you as much as you'd like. mollar~

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1mysteriousgirl
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it could be either of you guys.

some ppl....when i first meet them they make me laugh soooooo much and sooooo hard. maybe after a couple of weeks or a month or two....they crack the same jokes over and over again so it just gets old and boring.
Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:09 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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so far, we've only hung out less than 10 times, but we txt/call each other everyday. he calls me in the morning on the way to work, on the way home from work, and before he sleeps. and i get about 20 txts from him everyday, but i don't reply most of the time because i don't want to bother him at work. i don't know... i kinda have this certain policy:

1) we should both be productive during the day----make sure our relationship doesn't become a distraction. having said that,

2) don't contact each other unless necessary during the day (don't txt/call me just because you miss me or to ask what i'm doing)

3) straighten out your priorities----if you have a lot of work to do and don't want to be bothered for a few hours, let me know in advance. i won't get butt hurt lol. we all need to be selfish sometimes in order to get shit done. just let me know.



of all the guys i've dated, 90% have violated this policy and i've trashed them without any hesitation. am i seriously asking for too much? it's not like i DON'T want to talk to him... i mean, we do have all night to talk to each other!

increase in productivity = increase in time for each other, you know?

argh. anyways.


Last edited by mink on Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:25 pm
silvina
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mink wrote:

2) don't contact each other unless necessary (don't txt/call me just because you miss me or to ask what i'm doing)
sheesh
thats kinda harsh i think
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:08 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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oh, is it?

=*(
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:15 pm
silvina
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yeah dude

im 100% w u on that relationship shouldn't take over ur life- if u have shit to do, then do it

the other party should be helping you to prioritize by not getting in the way either

but the "dont contact eachother unless necessary" is harsh- and i say that because i dont understand how a relationship based on only telling eachother what is necessary doesnt seem like it would work. people dont really NEED to tell eachother anything ever
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:18 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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oh no i think you misunderstood me.

i meant "don't contact each other unless necessary" during the DAY (at work/school). not like, in general.

oops, my fault for making it unclear. i'll edit. ^_^;
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:22 pm
Michael
i got dubukimchi!


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dope wrote:
everything

Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:52 pm View user's profile Send private message
Whim
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This belongs more in the relationships forum. I think both guys and girls can bring some good criticism to the table.


I see eggsactly where you're coming from. I will poast my opinion later on after I'm done studying for my dumbarse midterm.
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:53 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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^ please do. i will be waiting for your response!
Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:57 pm
morpheus
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Laughing

if relatively minor issues like that give you cause to trash a guy (coupled with your list of standards that you've posted in a different thread) then you're probably not ready for a relationship. obviously it doesn't all come down to chemistry for you like you've written before.

you don't need a bf/husband, you need a business partner with a great resume that will act like a husband when it's convenient for you.

bottom line, i don't think you know what you want. i also think you have a very superficial and unrealistic set of requirements for your potential mate. but hey this is just the opinion of someone who doesn't know who you are except what you post of the forum.

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Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:07 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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how are these "minor" issues? and how are my requirements superficial and unrealistic?

i think everyone should have a specific set of standards. i mean, why settle for less?
Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:12 pm
morpheus
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i call them minor issues because as far as the general scope of things that people to do wrong to eachother, these are pretty weak. to trash someone without hesitation because they violated one of your three laws is pretty pretentious of you. i would totally understand if your three laws were about cheating, abuse or self destructive tendencies but in my estimation your no-no's basically boil down to pet peeves.

have you ever thought that maybe a guy doesn't want to talk to you at night on a regular basis because he wants to sleep? so he'll catch you during the day to make some sort of contact with you? i'm not saying that this is what your exes were doing, i'm just creating an example of circumstances where talking to you during the business day without an emergency or an appointment might be warranted.

according to your three rules a relationship shouldn't intrude on the other aspects of your life unless it's an priority message... is that the way you think relationships should work? even business relationships don't work that way.

truth be told, some of your requirements aren't all that superficial. certain spiritual and ideological components should match up for a happy relationship but as far as your appearance and education requirements go... i sure hope you're a real dish otherwise why should a guy that has all that going for him even bother with you? especially considering that you wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as him after marriage.

for that matter desiring someone that is family oriented but also career oriented conflicts. an increase in productivity does not necessarily mean an increase in time for eachother. more often you hear of people neglecting their families in lieu of pursuing their career goals and being "productive".

again, this is just an opinion not preaching about how you should live your life. there are a lot of guys out there and i'm sure you can find exactly what you are looking for if you wait long enough. but on a more personal and inductive note my sister held out until she was 36 to realize that her "requirements" were unrealistic unless the person she decided to marry was one of her brothers.

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Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:30 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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morpheus wrote:
i call them minor issues because as far as the general scope of things that people to do wrong to eachother, these are pretty weak. to trash someone without hesitation because they violated one of your three laws is pretty pretentious of you. i would totally understand if your three laws were about cheating, abuse or self destructive tendencies but in my estimation your no-no's basically boil down to pet peeves.


oh for sure they are minor issues in that aspect, but i really didn't mean to make it seem as if i'd dump him just because he violated my policy. i'm just saying that both parties should respect each other's beliefs or system of values. for example, if i specifically let him know that i don't really like being bothered when i'm doing shit yet he continues to bother me, then we have a problem. call me selfish, but i don't believe in disregarding my so-called "policies" and priorities just to please him. okay this is just making me sound really cold-hearted because i'm not. if he got into some terrible accident, or is distraught or just really needs me, then OF COURSE i'd be there for him no matter what i'm doing, unless my family needs me more than he does because family > everything else. that's just how i work. if he doesn't like it, then he can just trash me before i trash him first. no biggie.

morpheus wrote:
have you ever thought that maybe a guy doesn't want to talk to you at night on a regular basis because he wants to sleep? so he'll catch you during the day to make some sort of contact with you? i'm not saying that this is what your exes were doing, i'm just creating an example of circumstances where talking to you during the business day without an emergency or an appointment might be warranted.


if he doesn't want to talk to me at night, then he doesn't have to. lol. as long as he lets me know then it's all dandy. don't leave me hanging, you know? haha silly, it's not like it's absolutely FORBIDDEN to contact each other during the day. it's just that i'd rather us focus on work/school since that's what we'll both be doing during the day. i'm just saying that i'd very much like to avoid trivial calls/txts because it's a bit distracting, you know?

some examples: what are you wearing today? what did you eat? what are you doing? what are you going to do? i miss you. do you miss me? i just had lunch today and i ate.... blah blah. i hate my coworkers. i'm taking a dump right now. what should we do over the weekend? what are you going to do over the weekend?

fucking UGH. get my drift?

morpheus wrote:
according to your three rules a relationship shouldn't intrude on the other aspects of your life unless it's an priority message... is that the way you think relationships should work? even business relationships don't work that way.


listen, i think you misunderstood me. i don't base my entire relationships on these three rules. but it's a HUGE part, since communication is one of the crucial elements in maintaining a successful relationship----all relationships. but sometimes TOO much communication can negatively affect a relationship, i think. from my experience, at least. actually, too much of ANYTHING is always a bad thing. moderation is key.

morpheus wrote:
but as far as your appearance and education requirements go... i sure hope you're a real dish otherwise why should a guy that has all that going for him even bother with you? especially considering that you wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as him after marriage.


i guess it's only safe to assume that you don't satisfy those two categories, which is why you brought them up. i'm not going to even bother defend myself because you simply wouldn't be able to relate to my requirements anyhow. and what's wrong with sleeping in separate beds? it's not like we'll be in separate rooms. i'm a really sensitive/light sleeper so i need my own space, and i'm just saying that it would be IDEAL to sleep on separate beds.

morpheus wrote:
for that matter desiring someone that is family oriented but also career oriented conflicts. an increase in productivity does not necessarily mean an increase in time for eachother. more often you hear of people neglecting their families in lieu of pursuing their career goals and being "productive".


increase in productivity = get more shit done = more free time in general = more time for each other/other things. i think i specifically stated that i'd like my guy to be family oriented, so "neglecting the family to pursue career goals" has no place in this argument.

morpheus wrote:
again, this is just an opinion not preaching about how you should live your life. there are a lot of guys out there and i'm sure you can find exactly what you are looking for if you wait long enough. but on a more personal and inductive note my sister held out until she was 36 to realize that her "requirements" were unrealistic unless the person she decided to marry was one of her brothers.


i'm sorry about your sister, but perhaps her requirements were a LOT more "unrealistic" than that of mine. i strongly believe that all of my requirements are reasonable. they're incredibly high standards, indeed, but definitely not unreasonable.




anyways, i really am appreciating your input. it's actually helping me re-evaluate myself and my views on relationships. but i do have to say that some of your remarks are kinda condescending, which make you sound like a complete asshole (not that you'd care lol). other than that, i like your responses. keep it coming.
Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:38 pm
sementherapy
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original post and responses too long... *yawn*
Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:02 pm View user's profile Send private message
ace
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Post Re: girls, i'm in dire need of some advice Reply with quote
mink wrote:
every time i meet someone great, how come i get bored with him really quickly? i think there's more to it than just having high standards... anyway, i've been seeing this guy for the past 2 weeks, and i like him a lot. the chemistry's there, he's awesome, and we're just great together. but i want to dump him because i'm so incredibly bored. it's not that HE'S boring or anything.. he's freaking hilarious and really outgoing (both of which i lack). i really don't know what to do. i think i'm just going to wait until the end of the week to see if the problem lies within ME or HIM (most likely me).

seriously, what's wrong with me? Cry Cry Cry


i think you just like the chase more than the catch.

mink wrote:
so far, we've only hung out less than 10 times, but we txt/call each other everyday. he calls me in the morning on the way to work, on the way home from work, and before he sleeps. and i get about 20 txts from him everyday, but i don't reply most of the time because i don't want to bother him at work. i don't know... i kinda have this certain policy:

1) we should both be productive during the day----make sure our relationship doesn't become a distraction. having said that,

2) don't contact each other unless necessary during the day (don't txt/call me just because you miss me or to ask what i'm doing)

3) straighten out your priorities----if you have a lot of work to do and don't want to be bothered for a few hours, let me know in advance. i won't get butt hurt lol. we all need to be selfish sometimes in order to get shit done. just let me know.


you talked to him about these "policies" right? or at least explain to him, that these things bother you.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:28 am View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mink
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not really. he doesn't excessively call me or anything. so far so good. although he can chill out on the txting... lol.















anyways.

people, people! can we seriously stick to the original subject? Laughing it got way off topic, thanks to *cough* morpheus *cough* haha i kid i kid. you're cool. but yeah, what's wrong with me?
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:33 am
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