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girls, i'm in dire need of some advice
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girls, i'm in dire need of some advice
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ace
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Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 4726
Location: So Cal

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the "policies" you listed, arent that big of a deal. im sure if you talked to him about them, he would oblige.

you cant expect a guy to know what you're thinking, and know what you like and dont like.

all relationships require communication, and if you dont tell him anything, there's no way for him to know...
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:40 am View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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mink wrote:
but yeah, what's wrong with me?


I think this is just it, I think you want something to be "wrong" with you. Speaking just outright blatantly (because someone needs to put it out there), you like the attention or even just your own self-knowing of having an emotional 'problem' or 'dysfunction.' We all know how it is, people want to be weird/neurotic otherwise nothing sets you apart from the next person.

You blame boredom but I don't think that's it. How can you be bored? He's not some book that you can toss aside when you get bored of it. He's a human being with human emotions and you can't be so callous as to not realize the value of human relationships. You can't be bored unless if you're eyes are already scanning for the next best thing which stems from feeling somewhat if not wholly unsatisfied with your current guy. I think you make yourself feel this way. I think you psych yourself in thinking that his presence/actions are boring and that you're not interested when in fact you're just allowing your lofty conception of an ideal bf get the best of you. It's common man... trust. I've been there, done that but when you get to the root of the problem, you'll find that it isn't just this perilous feeling of boredom.

My advice to you: just dump him now while he doesn't get too attached. You owe it to him.



Yooooo is this too in yo face dawg? I'm just keepin it real gurl~~~
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:52 am View user's profile Send private message
mink
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ace wrote:
the "policies" you listed, arent that big of a deal. im sure if you talked to him about them, he would oblige.

you cant expect a guy to know what you're thinking, and know what you like and dont like.

all relationships require communication, and if you dont tell him anything, there's no way for him to know...


yeah, but so far i haven't found the need to talk to him about my policies because he hasn't violated them yet. my original question has nothing to do with my policies. i think what i'm really trying to ask is....

hell, i'm not even sure anymore. let me get back to you.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:53 am
mink
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Whim wrote:
mink wrote:
but yeah, what's wrong with me?


I think this is just it, I think you want something to be "wrong" with you. Speaking just outright blatantly (because someone needs to put it out there), you like the attention or even just your own self-knowing of having an emotional 'problem' or 'dysfunction.' We all know how it is, people want to be weird/neurotic otherwise nothing sets you apart from the next person.

You blame boredom but I don't think that's it. How can you be bored? He's not some book that you can toss aside when you get bored of it. He's a human being with human emotions and you can't be so callous as to not realize the value of human relationships.

I think you make yourself feel this way. I think you psych yourself in thinking that his presence/actions are boring and that you're not interested when in fact you're just allowing your lofty conception of an ideal bf get the best of you.


LOL I may be wrong but I'd love to be the one to grab you buy your shins and pull you back down to reality.


interesting. i don't think it's because i seek attention, and it's definitely not because i want something to be wrong with me. i tend to blame myself in all situations under all circumstances because it's just easier to blame oneself, you know? he's a great guy and so far there's nothing wrong with him, so the problem must be me, no? i want us to work out, i want to be with him, and i really do like him. but i'm, for better lack of a word, BORED. like i said earlier, he's not a boring person AT ALL. he makes me laugh and always gives me a good time.

Whim wrote:
He's not some book that you can toss aside when you get bored of it. He's a human being with human emotions and you can't be so callous as to not realize the value of human relationships.


i know that this is extremely cruel/brutal/inhumane of me, but i really do toss them aside when i get bored of them, or once i realize that the relationship is going nowhere. yeah, i feel really terrible whenever i have to dump them, but they'll eventually get over it, right? sooner or later, they'll forget that i ever existed and move on with their lives into better things, better relationships and better lovers. i just hate wasting my time trying to make SOMETHING work out of NOTHING. why stay in a relationship when my heart's not in it? it takes two to tango, you know?
Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:11 am
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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Hmmmmm I dunno man from what you've projected onto this forum I'd say I was dead on. But tis okay, denial aint just a river in Egypt baby. Smile
Jaykay, dude just dump him. Clearly your heart isn't in it.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:19 am View user's profile Send private message
mink
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lol. yeah i think i'm just going to wait until the end of the week to see where we stand... he's a pretty good catch though ^_^;

but DAMN i really miss having a boyfriend sometimes.









or MAYBE i should just suck it up and just go with the flow and stop overanalyzing??


Crap
Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:22 am
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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HAHA speaking of overanalyzing, look at the number I did on your one little statement.

This is why people should be afraid...very afraid. Jaykay. Kind of.



Anyhow, I think you just have some self issues you need to come to terms with. And the only reason why I'm suggesting you dump the guy is cuz I think you have the potential to be completely and utterly captivated by a guy that demands your undivided attention (willingly). The problem is the guy has to make you WANT to work on your relationship issues hence love/cherish/adore him in return. If that base desire aint there then g'luck homie.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:30 am View user's profile Send private message
mink
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Whim wrote:
HAHA speaking of overanalyzing, look at the number I did on your one little statement.

This is why people should be afraid...very afraid. Jaykay. Kind of.



Anyhow, I think you just have some self issues you need to come to terms with. And the only reason why I'm suggesting you dump the guy is cuz I think you have the potential to be completely and utterly captivated by a guy that demands your undivided attention (willingly). The problem is the guy has to make you WANT to work on your relationship issues hence love/cherish/adore him in return. If that base desire aint there then g'luck homie.


MY ULTIMATE FEAR. it happened to me once. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

break hearts in order to preserve yours. Rock























self-preservation FTL *cries*
Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:37 am
silvina
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Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 6629

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dump him. dont just hang onto him for the sake of having a boyfriend if you're already talking about him this way
Tue Mar 04, 2008 8:27 am View user's profile Send private message
hyo
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.f
Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:00 am
Rose of Sharon
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Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 7049
Location: New York, NY

Post Reply with quote
mink wrote:
MY ULTIMATE FEAR. it happened to me once. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

break hearts in order to preserve yours. Rock























self-preservation FTL *cries*


this isn't a very healthy way to approach people and relationships

.. but good job in answering your own question

_________________
Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:53 am View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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Rose of Sharon wrote:


this isn't a very healthy way to approach people and relationships

.. but good job in answering your own question


Yeah, see what I mean by always having an ulterior motive. Mink, not to say that we understand your questions to your psyche have been answered but you really just put it all out there...
Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:59 am View user's profile Send private message
Gianni Pervace
i got dubu.


Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 418

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OR, maybe you get bored with these guys because they're not really what you're looking for. It's easy to list certain attributes we think we want in a S.O., but we don't always end up having that spark with them. And sometimes we get that spark with someone we think is totally wrong for us.

What we want and what we need are different.

OR, maybe you did answer your own question with the post about your ultimate fear.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 11:41 am View user's profile Send private message
ace
Goodfella


Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 4726
Location: So Cal

Post Reply with quote
mink wrote:
Whim wrote:
HAHA speaking of overanalyzing, look at the number I did on your one little statement.

This is why people should be afraid...very afraid. Jaykay. Kind of.



Anyhow, I think you just have some self issues you need to come to terms with. And the only reason why I'm suggesting you dump the guy is cuz I think you have the potential to be completely and utterly captivated by a guy that demands your undivided attention (willingly). The problem is the guy has to make you WANT to work on your relationship issues hence love/cherish/adore him in return. If that base desire aint there then g'luck homie.


MY ULTIMATE FEAR. it happened to me once. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

break hearts in order to preserve yours. Rock

self-preservation FTL *cries*


You've been burned once. So you created this shell around you, to protect yourself from letting that happen to you again.

& now a guy comes along, where he seems to meet most of your requirements. He makes you happy, smile, laugh, there's chemistry, he's awesome, etc... However, you know that if things continue to progress in this direction, there is a chance that you will start to like him much more, to where you will once again be placed into that vulnerable state, where you can potentially get hurt (your ultimate fear). So while the relationship is still fresh (and you still have the strength to seperate yourself from this guy), you try to find faults in the relationship. Telling yourself that something is wrong. Whether its something wrong with him, or yourself, or how you feel about the relationship... anything to give yourself an excuse to seperate yourself from this guy, so there is no chance of you potentially being placed into that vulnerable state again.

Basically, you are scared to open up, because you fear getting hurt again. Thats why you're trying so hard to find something wrong, when in fact you know you like this guy.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:05 pm View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mink
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omigod ace can you seriously be my therapist? i seriously kinda love you right now <33333333




but no, you are so WRONG.












































just kidding. you're so right... so so right. Cry

what should i do?
Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:53 pm
ace
Goodfella


Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 4726
Location: So Cal

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well... that's entirely up to you...

if you dont feel like you're ready, you should tell him to give you space/time (im sure he'll understand)...

however, if you feel like taking the leap of faith, go for it.

personally, i've always taken the leap of faith, because id rather live and learn, than think about the "what ifs?"
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:02 pm View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mink
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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah i'm not ready Sad
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:06 pm
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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This thread is teh FAIL
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:41 pm View user's profile Send private message
mink
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hahaha yeah. someone delete this thread, i've revealed too much and i'm embarrassed
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:43 pm
Whim
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Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 9014

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Naw foo.


If anything this thread served as a platform for some really insightful opinions and advice.

It's just teh FAIL cuz it didn't really end up helping you.
Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:46 pm View user's profile Send private message
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